so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
not ubering you a puppy
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
