I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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