So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
