Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
