I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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