Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
