new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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