I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
