I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
