There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
