ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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