FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
