she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am naked and annoyed.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
