I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
