Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
the liver wants what the liver wants
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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