i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
