I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
