Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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