I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
