I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
