I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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