I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
