My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
