so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
