I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
