Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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