You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
