wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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