is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize