Can i not drive my cunt home
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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