woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
