FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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