i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
