I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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