I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
