I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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