What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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