They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
