By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
