I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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