My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
