I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
