I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
