Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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