turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
