I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
