I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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