I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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