She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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