He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
